All I wanted was Freedom:

Last 2 years of my life have been the years ,where I have experienced the biggest emotional turmoils of my life .

Entered a relationship(thingy as relationship is a serious term here hehe ) where I had no clue what it means ,the whole thing started with being overwhelmed with the new feeling ,the new excitement ,the new guy after 16 years appeared like a Dreamworld.

Literally having same expectations the way I had from my boyfriend in school ,felt like I have gone back to school .

Going back to that era of jealousy /fear/possessiveness which I had never experienced ever earlier.Felt like it is my first kiss.

Imagine all this at the age of 40 lol

Here comes the reality then ,Boom ,he is married ,I have my family ,have so many restrictions .

Always reminding myself that this is meant as a way of supporting your gaps and is not reality .

This is meant only from 9–5pm ,it is like Intermittent Fasting ,you can cheat for 8hrs and then be good for 16hrs lol

I have kind of AI-Engine- fit in my mind ,with every new scenario ,I tune myself and next time when same thing happens ,I react in a less silly way :-)

and with time ,system might function smoothly with less exceptions :-) and 0 expectations :-)

I would never advise people like me to ever try this, as this is the most difficult relationship as per me where in ,

you don’t know what you can do and what you can’t .

There are rules that you got to follow ,always keep a tab on yourself .

Always hanging in between right and wrong /tears and laughs/ trust and no trust .

Have learnt so much in my journey on things like Relationships and mostly My Own Mind.

Have understood what it means when people used to tell me that they love me and they have fear of losing me :-) and now I love them for their love for me and I feel honoured !

How I used to run away from people who tried sabotaging my freedom and now may be in some capacity may be am doing same ,so ,I will do my best to protect his freedom from me.

Am glad,I experienced this with a guy who has been most patient with my dramas,my silly mind ,is a very sorted and practical guy.

Am so glad he has never loved me else I would have not been able to think straight .

I have learnt so much from him on how to appreciate things that you have and how it is so important to protect people who love you .

A guy from different culture who would be thinking what he has got into lol,Welcome to Indian Desi series haha

Am glad I have a friend who listens to me who brings me back to sanity .

She is my lifeline and has saved me and always brought me back to the real reason this kind of relationship is meant for.

All I wanted was to feel free and at times it feels ,like I have caged myself in the strongest emotional bars which am not able to break now.

When this ends ,may be I am more at peace because I have experienced something total crazy or may be I become a wiser person ?

In the end, all I want to take away with me is ,a unique experience ,what I learnt about myself,a story close to my heart and a new best friend :-)

Guess !! don’t know what this will teach me as it is not over yet but definitely am learning and evolving ,so stay tuned to hear what became out of me lol